Finding that constant amidst the chaos – ways to get back centered

There seems to be something in the air lately. I have seen a lot of bickering among friends – the most recent on social media. And as I talk to the parties involved, and seeing how stressed out the parties are, one word goes through my mind. Why?

I have had my own share of issues, and the feelings that ensued I have not felt in a while, since my RPG Mafia days. In those days, I learned how to work under high pressure situations, because literally things that you said or did could and would result in the end of your game character. At the same time, when I used to read back on old logs and such, I realized how high-strung I was (for me, anyway). I felt like I had to walk on eggshells with some people, because they were a bunch of drama-filled people who were miserable or had no lives outside of the game. The last major interaction I had with one of them was when she second-guessed my RL education…that it “didn’t make sense” to have the degrees that I had. And I was always on the defensive – outside my circle of friends, I always had to watch what I said or else someone would get offended and that could set someone or something off. That and more was eventually why i left that community.

Pose: Bauhaus Movement – Manga Revolution 31 (@ Pose fair 2018)
Hair: *Dura – Anime*06-FAT PACK A:Left (for hoodie) (@ Neo Japan)
Hoodie: ::GB::Batsu hoodie (F) (maitreya) Black ( gift @ Neo Japan)
Shirt: Ghee Fall17 Essential Layering Sweater 

Leggings: Blueberry – Cake Leggings – Regular – Maitreya
Shoes: .Mutresse. Gugutka Boots for Maitreya Lara
Jewelry: Chop Zuey – Lady Ba of the Nine Heavens – Gld Piercing Cheek Lft
Labrette B, Gld Piercing Septum
Lipstick: [PF] CATWA LIPSTICK – Pure Matte (Gray)
Eyeshadow: Zibska ~ Susa
Skateboard –  N/A (got it from an old amusement park no longer around…didn’t use the pose that came with it anyway)
Backdrop:(Milk Motion) Skate park -78li *resizable*
(Milk Motion) simple building background 1

For those who know me, you guys know I don’t usually style like this. And normally, I would have a hard time coming up with a look like this. But over the past weekend, it came quite easily to me, thanks to the Dura hair and the free gift by Gabriel over at Neo-Japan. I am glad I had bought the Mutresse shoes while they were at Collabor88 in a previous month ^^

So, how do we find our peaceful constant, when everything else seems to be in chaos?

1. Who Am I?

You have to know who you are in times of peace or neutrality.

How do you normally respond to stressful situations from friends when they tell you their troubles? How do you respond to good news? How do you respond to potentially stressful issues? Are you good at dealing with conflict – are you a head-on person, or do you like to step as far back as possible? Or like myself, do you not like conflict, but are not afraid of confrontation? This is important because when you find yourself in a compromised situation, you need to know the difference. To give an extreme example, countries have different protocols in times of peace vs times of war. You, too need to know how you act when in a stressful situation. Or else how do you begin to find your peaceful constant?

Positive Affirmation: I am becoming the best version of myself.

2. Know who your lifelines are.

Everyone should have friends that they can talk to when they find themselves in a stressful situation.

This will probably be 1-3 trustworthy friends…otherwise you may find yourself in the middle of gossip. Even though people are your friends, you should know by now that there are different grades of friends. Friends you may go party with, talk on social media with, work with, etc may not be the same friends you go to in a time of crisis. Your lifelines should be people who think similarly to you when you are in a peaceful mindset. That way, when you go to them with your emotions all over the place, they can help you find your objectivity so you can handle your situation with as much dignity as possible. They are not hesitant to help you sort out the messiness – many people can’t manage their own feelings, never mind yours. Plus, they will help keep you from acting the fool, and making you the laughing stock in your circle of friends. No one wants to be people’s source of entertainment…”Oh wow – what is he doing THIS week? Haha – what a riot…”

It also helps if they know that they can go to you in times of their own need as well. No one likes a friend who is constantly negative, and only wants to talk about their issues.

Positive Affirmation:I am worthy, and I have wonderful people in my life surrounding me with positive energy.

3. Do something relaxing at the same time every day, preferably before going to bed.

Before or after dinner, I may lay down in bed for a while and play games on my phone or read some fanfiction. On Sundays, I watch Dragon Ball Super online before bed. Sometimes I watch my favorite YouTubers online. Depending on my stress level, I may do a guided meditation on my phone – I use “Calm” when I am feeling especially stressed. These routines will help your body calm down and transition yourself to rest mode.

Positive Affirmation: I am at peace.

4. Treat yourself to something fun.

This requires that you go out and about. It can be a trip to the mall, movies, spa, salon, or even a simple walk around the neighborhood. It will help clear your mind and give you a rest from your issues.

Positive Affirmation: I am vibrant and full of life.

5. Learn something new daily.

Even when everything is going to hell in a hand basket, at least you can say something went right that day. I practice my Spanish and French through DuoLingo nightly. Sometimes I am so tired that I am doing lessons half sleep…do you know how hard it is to learn Compound Past phrases in French when you can barely keep your eyes open, never mind think clearly? Whispers… I still haven’t quite gotten the hang of it :/

Positive Affirmation: Each day I learn new things, and the knowledge that I obtain empowers me to be a better person.

Backdrop: Pseudo– Strange-Land Metro Scene RARE

6. Change your environment.

This can have different meanings. If you have a circle of friends where toxic things are always taking place, then it’s time to make new friends. If you frequent a certain place that always make you feel unsettled, then find a new place to hang out. In extreme cases, you may have to physically relocate your permanent residence to truly get away. Just make sure that you are at peace with yourself, or else you will attract negativity in your new environment because subconsciously you will seek the chaos because this is what you are accustomed to.

Positive Affirmation: I am the architect of my life.

7. Do a kind gesture or action for someone else.

Something simple as letting someone go ahead of you in line could be the difference between them getting a seat on the bus or the train, or them standing. If someone doesn’t have enough change to pay for something, $1 can make their day. I remember one time I was at the Chinese restaurant, and a police officer came in to order coffee. Someone offered to pay for the cup of coffee, and the worker asked did he know the officer. He said, no he did not. But he wanted to show his respect and thanks for what he is doing. So then the worker gave the officer a discount on the coffee. So, one positive action inspired another positive action. And the positive energy that you will get when doing this will help regain your constant. Remember, it’s not always about you.

Positive Affirmation: I am the change that I wish to see in the world.

8. Treat others the way you would like to be treated.

This is a simple enough concept, yes? But how many people lash out at others and say things to potentially ruin their moods, psyche, or reputation? How do you know you are doing this? It’s easy – would you want someone to do the exact same to you? If you find yourself making exceptions, excuses, and generalizations, then you are in the wrong. And how do you expect to attract positive energy and get back to your peaceful constant when your actions are counter-productive?

Positive Affirmation: I am a loving person, and I show others love because I am loving.

9. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

Now, this may sound contradictory to the previous statement. Suppose if what you want to say is mean or harsh? Then you have to straddle the line between saying what you want to say, and being constructive enough so that 1. The person learns from it and 2. You would want someone to say this to YOU if things were going astray. You may not want the critique, but you can live with it eventually. It’s not always an easy thing to do – I myself have been working on this for over 2 decades. The trick is to realize if you hold resentment due to not getting to say what you want, or, if you fall into the camp of snapping at people consistently while under stress. In both of these scenarios, you have some reflecting to do in order to find that balance.

Also, when you find that you indeed say what you mean, and mean what you say, you are building your constant peace. When you hear people accuse you of this and that, the fact that you know everything you said and did was the truth, will give you solace as you are getting tossed and turned. Your friends will see you are acting the same as always while the accusations are getting thrown, and they will stand with you.

Positive Affirmation: I am resolute, sound, and stable.

10. Know when to let things go.

If you have done all of these steps, then you have to know when to not to entertain the situation anymore emotionally. This is not to say the situation still doesn’t exist, or is not on-going. But, you choose to no longer allow the situation and/or the people involved to take from you emotionally. This is important because if you don’t do this, then the stress will start to affect you physically.

Recently I had neck and shoulder stiffness and pain – I thought it was because of the way i was sitting. No…it was manifested from the stress that I was under. Crazy, right? So, just let it go.

Positive Affirmation: I am free.

I hope the next time you are going through something stressful, these tips will help ease some of the burden. If not, reach out to me – people tell me am patient and a great listener 🙂

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